I’ve been spending my time badly

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Recently, life has felt very full. And I’ve been wondering when I’d slip into a routine and begin to feel something even a little bit like boredom. Or at least feeling like I could potentially take on something new like evening Spanish classes, a morning gym class with a friend or even just keeping in better contact with my parents. But with one thing or another, I’ve felt like I’ve had very little space.

And I’m so not one of those busy busy people. I had friends at uni who had jobs, were heavily involved in societies, AND managed to get their essays done, they even sometimes went to sports night AND weren’t stressed out of their brains but actually enjoyed it – I just don’t know how they did it. Seriously… How?! For me, a weekend spent sleeping, reading, getting on top of lifemin and maybe bulk-cooking some soup is a weekend well spent.

No, you’re boring and middle aged.

I like my own company and I like not having an agenda. I like going with the old flow.

I’m trying to work out exactly what it is, and I thought it was the combination of a new job and a new flat, but I’ve been in both for two months now. Surely that’s plenty of time to get settled and carve out your time as you like. It’s felt like I’ve had absolutely no free time, but actually, what I’ve realised is that I’ve been spending my free time badly.

If I’m entirely honest, I spend way too much time doing things that don’t give you anything in return. My evenings get gobbled up by youtube videos, catch up TV, Instagram stories – we all know how easy it is to click on one of those little circles and before you know it it’s nine pm, you haven’t taken a moment to think this evening and you’ve seen a reel of in-depth daily updates from old school friends, fashion bloggers and bloody Mimi Bouchard.

I have my go to excuses like ‘when you’re writing all day, you’re brain’s just so exhausted that reading just feels too much, you know? You feel like you can’t process anything because you’re brain’s sooo sleepy, all you want to do is watch gogglebox, look at Twitter and go to sleep.’

But it’s bullshit. Sure, I’ve been busier than average. But if I spent my down time doing more constructive, calming things, I think I’d feel much better. Tonight, I went for a run, cooked a chilli while listening to Happy Place by Fearne Cotton which I can’t recommend enough, rang my mum, read some of the book I’ve been trying to finish for months and got through half an easter egg.

Obviously, pure escapism like Love Island and Insta have their place, but not at the expense of things that enrich you and make you feel like you’re looking after yourself. Things like reading, cooking a new recipe and catching up with people we love.

Over and out.


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